I seriously hope that you're doing well now. Despite me being sad and overwhelmed, I'm happy that you no longer have to suffer. I'm very happy to have spent every of your last few seconds with you and to be able to hold your hand and be by yourside before you took your last breath.
I've never cried like how I cried today. The minute I knew you were gone, I felt like part of me was gone. You've always been there for me. Always worrying if I was alright and you never failed to tell me how proud you thought of me.
You would always be so happy to see everyone together and you would always put up a smiley face no matter how painful you felt. Every occasion, you would always be smiling and you would always embrace us in your warmth and love.
You would always put everyone before self and you never complained not once. I'll always remember the times we had together in the kitchen,baking cookies for christmas and you would always take me to church and buy everything that I wanted. The times, you would call to check up on me and if I had done my work and if I had studied.
Throughout the years, you would pray for everyone without fail every morning and no matter how down I was, you would tell me , not to give up and that god will always be with me. There are so many things I want to tell you.
I really can't sleep at all and i'm still awake and hoping you'll be by my side and you'll come back to see us anytime you feel like it. I'm missing you so much and i'm wishing you could hold my hand like how you used to, when I was a little girl. I was always your tiny favourite and i'll always remember you telling me that I was a good girl.
I'll promise to be there on your birthday and i'll spend sometime with you. I'll bring flowers for you and i'll chat up with you and spend time with you as often as I can. I promise you that i'll take good care of Ah yee and i'll spend time with her and keep her accompanied no matter how busy I am.
I know somehow, you'll still be watching over us and keeping us safe. I hope you'll show us and give us signs of your presence and speak to us.I love you always and you'll always live close and deep to my heart. I'll miss you so deeply and I hope you won't blame me for crying....Thankyou for everything you've done. I won't be selfish and let you suffer anymore.....
**I'm truly depressed about what happened and still in shock at the hospital as we were informed of her death too late and too wrong as the hospital staff made a mistake. It's too late to blame anyone but I know deep down that she left very peacefully. I need a break and will be uncontactable on my cell for quite sometime. I'll be doing the arrangements for the funeral and a big thankyou for all who have given your well wishes.
No one can ever understand how important she is to me and no one will ever understand the sadness and pain that i'm going through. Life still goes on but I guess I need time, to get over everything. No one will understand , what I went through when I found out she was gone while I was there and no one will know how much i'm grieving deep inside.
All I can say is that life is very short. Live it to the fullest without any regrets and live it well. Cherish the people you have around you because you'll never know when they'll be gone....