July 31, 2009

I'm super tired of being sick.The throwing up, the meds , the nauseous feeling and the tiredness. I'm pretty pissed that everyone thinks that they know me when the truth is that they don't. No one knows what I go through and they think that since I have almost everything in my life, i'm simply just throwing a bitch fit because of I have nothing better to do.

Sometimes, I do feel better when i'm alone. I've always liked cheering people up. Be it going an extra mile to write a post stick, a simple text, food or good ol' companionship. However, sometimes, these people are the ones that end up disappointing me the most. I don't expect anyone to repay or do the exact samethings for me when i'm down but instead maybe just leave me alone instead of saying more unnecessary words to aggrevate the whole matter.

Some think i'm paranoid and some even think that it's me who wanted my life to be like that. Others emphasise over and over again that god gives me a choice but i'm the one who doesn't use my bloody brain to choose. I'm like ,"Hello?" god didn't ask me if I wanted to be sick and neither did I have the choice to go against it.

Yes, I may not be the only one that's suffering in this world but then again, you guys are not the ones in my shoes.Would you say the samething to your sister / mother / girlfriend / friend or whatever if he or she is going through the same damn thing as me??

It's not funny going in and out of hospitals and feeling shitty all the time.I'm human too and I need a break from all these people. People who call you when they need someone, people who call you to club for the sake of accompanying them, people who call you only when they need yr help and people who are just to reliant on me. I will no longer put up with this crap and honestly what comes around goes around.

Just like a bunch of people who I used to work with...sometimes, I do feel sorry that they are stuck in their hole and being all sad and miserable...not to forget fighting amongst themselves. It's just sad and since life is that short ( at least fr me ) all the more I do not see any point to live my life just like theirs and again, i'm not saying that my life is any greater.

I just need to rant this all out and take my mind off many issues. I'm still working on getting back to school as I found a school and I do meet the requirements and not to forget my Japan trip and of course my online shop. I don't need anyone's pity or sympathy that's why I choose not to speak about certain issues because i'm quite sure that i'm able to do the things which many others can.

I'm sorry for this stupid long post and i'm really happy that there are at least some people who still have the slightest compassion in their hearts.....take care ya'll :)