Firstly, i'll like to give myself a slap for thinking that I was doing oh-so-very-well-and-happy in _ ______. Firstly, I was never happy from Day 1. I knew I shouldn't have forced it and I shouldn't have made myself go through all that crap.
All the rushing for time thingy and all that stress. Why the hell would anyone like Phy do that?It's no wonder everyone especially John, predicted that Phy would one day collapse and die. It's so true. I was deceiving myself by telling myself that I could do it.
I never had enough time to complete my work.I had never enough time to read all the boring emails that crazy people would send. I never was able to cope up with all the stupid rates and the stupid vessel schedules. I was never able to do all that crap.
I'm not made to do all that crap and i've all so woken up on what I really wanna do. I've gotten my bloody ass up and i'm so gonna spend my time working on it and being back to the chirpy Phy I used to be. I'm never and was never the Phyphy who would sulk and cry for so many days...Unless there was something so effin wrong.
Of all my careers I had, I only enjoyed one so much. Meeting new people and being able to design. But, silly me,had to give up everything all because I thought that it would never never ever work out to be something big....
The huge lesson learnt, I should start from something small. I never knew how to do so many things until I got my ass up and started learning how to do them and all that....Nothing's easy.No one said it was....
I've made a friend. A friend that think I only have the colour GRAY in my life. You know what?You're so effin wrong. I thought you were a friend. A good and cute friend but you know what?Please...I've so effin seen through you and I'm so sick of it...Why should I put up with you???I shouldn't cause you're nothing to me....Yupp, you don't owe me anything.So do I...
Mediocre...Yes...Mediocre thats what i'll say...Effin Mediocre.
Go ahead....Scream at me or laugh at me for being gray and being a crybaby or a loser or whatever word you shall use.....
Damn!I feel so much better ranting everything out....Every bit and every little thing i've been keeping....
Anyways, i'm going to start something small...and after that go back to school. I've got to start living life the way i'm supposed to be living....No one supports my decision yet...but i've got it kinda sorted out...i know there will definitely be changes and problems along the way but i'll work on it.slowly...
To Sasa.....
I'm dying to see you baby girl. I've got so much to tell you and I can't wait for you to tell me about your trip....Baby, it isn't easy dealing with Knuckles and I know it's tough. So tough that we really don't know what to do next...but just like how you cared for all these 7 years,I'll do the same and love you the way you are....
I love you so much and I'm never ever ever ever gonna let you cry babe =)
I'm taking a break until i'm feeling better and than i'll get my butt on work....
So long my luckless life....I should have know you'll bring me heartache....
