Tan is the new black

Wondering wassup with the post tittle? Yeah..I'm tanned...gonna continue tanning until i'm like freaking tan...Had been contemplating with the idea of getting tanned for a long long long long time...

Anyways, guess who came to tan with me?yupp...no need for any more words...I guess...I'm going to make things right with you again baby...I guess though we're different in many many, I repeat, many many ways, i'm glad to have you around...and i'm really glad you came to church with me today... *Smiles*

Makeup-less and stripped down to skin...throw in the tanning oil and the sun!

Kai, i'll go tanning with you soon...alrights?I still love you the same...haha...you're the hottest buddy I have...even hotter than _____ (Kai you should know) Thanks for being that sweety..even though you refuse to club with me...haha...

Had lunch at the poolside restaurant..Great food...

Lobster Bisque...Yummy...

His...Pan-friend dory and squid rings...

Mine..steak and deep fried eggplants...

After tanning for almost 3 hours, we decided to head home and I had to prepare dinner...It was a really hot and sunny day and I had a great tanning buddy...I still look fair on the pictures but i'm freaking tanned now...

Prepared dinner after my shower and it was really fun preparing dinner...I love cooking for my love ones...I'll just let the peektures do the talking...

Piping Hot Clam chowder soup ("v")

Poached salmon and vegetables with cream sauce... ("v")

Day 2 (Sunday)

As you can see, i'm a little darker and i'm getting used to it...I kinda like the sun now...So gonna tan again...After church, we had lunch with my parents and we went to the supermarket to get groceries... Home cooked dinner again... *Winks*

Tanned...Me likey...I should get more friends to tan with me and i'll get them to look like plastic malibu barbies..heh

We had pineapple stewed chicken, stir fried brocolli with garlic and Furong eggs for dinner..While waiting for him to finish his work, I played....Animal Crossing on my DS...so in love with the game...

I'm still waiting for everything to be fixed up... *Hint hint*

Up next, will be the party...Can't wait to see my sexy loves..mwacks...Its Monday tomorrow and i'm not working...Yayee...

Have a great night sleep people!

Love, Phyphy

twenty-six-eight

Went to Ikea Yesterday...Freaking gigantic and enormous...Didn't manage to get the bed..However we got lots of stuff to "zheng"the bed...Total bill was :X haha...love my bed the way it is..giant fluffy and I need to get more pillows...

Messy bed..Love the giant quilt cause it's even better and more comfy =)

Wanted to get the white sheets but they were all sold out =(

Anyways, was really fun and the food there was great...Definitely going back there to get my closet and shoes cabinet or I might go nuts and buy a display table just for shoes...Since I've got nothing better to do. *Evil grin*

Plain simple Mugs for coffee...

After shopping at Ikea, we went to the Giant SuperMarket which was just opposite...

Bought some groceries...cause i'm preparing a simple dinner tonight...Grilled salmon, poached potatoes and brocolli with cream sauce and clam chowder soup. Not forgetting cheese cake for

dessert!!

Salmon...my favourite =)

Anyways, not much photos cause i've yet to upload them to Picasa and i'm going for my tan now and gonna have lunch at Bistro!Yippy...shorts and baby tee...I might highlight my hair a little blond..haha..

Enjoy your weekends guys!Muacks...

P.S. Genie, thanks for waking me up at 3am for fun...Love you just as much as you do babe...Mwacks!

He's a walking bitch magnet..haha

Updates updates...Yes, it's only 9.22am in the morning and i'm blogging...cause someone woke me up..Anyways, updates on yesterday...

Did some last minute plans to ChinaTown.Managed to get a top and a dress for the upcoming party but I was disappointed again as I couldn't even get a halter dress.Hmmphf...However, i'm going to shop again with my babes before the party.

The buildings there are so pretty..Ok, i'm crazy over old walls and old buildings. I love love love Arab street. Sheesha smokin' and pretty walls with grafitti. Old vintage clothing and great food...

As usual, I only shop when the shops are closing and by the time, we wanted to have dinner, practically all the shops were closed. So, off it was to Chomp Chomp. Had a great dinner there and grabbed some stuffs before heading out to meet Kang Ming and gf, PD, Chee Sian's cousin,Tok and Xuan Bin.

Yummy porridge from some famous stall...the uncle was so nice and friendly..

Giant glass of Sugar cane...ooohh...

Beancurd's out.Try the EggCurd. Super nice...Can't get any better...

Had too much of vodka at home..haha...Stoned..and my eye bags..haha..

What could be better than Bacardi and chips...

Had fun there with them and I broke my favourite Anchor and pearls necklace. Xuan Bin was really funny when he said that that necklace should belong in the sea or something.Go figure if you're smart enough...

Anyways, some idiot woke me up today, to tell me some stuffs that I thought I was worth waking up for and to my horror and dismay, it was something that made me exploded.Silly and ridiculous. That's what I called it..It only makes it worse when you had a bad restless horrid sleep and worse not being able to sleep in...plus, too much too drink makes you sick...I'm so stoned right now..Not loved stone but stoned...I was a little stoned even before I left my house lastnight...

But, come to think about it, I'm glad I woke up early, cause might be meeting baby girl for brunch. When you do nothing everyday and wake up at unearthly timing, you don't usually have breakfast but brunch or worse Lunch...Have ta call Mr Moody back and prolly run some errands...No partying, no movies and no more drinks...hah..

I'm craving for desserts...again...and I need to get white curtains, white sheets, white everything...I'm loving white more and more and more..

How about this bed in Queen size?

and storage shelves for my shoes!Ikea you might be seeing us today...mew mew

Love, Phy

Phy prances around

Going out with my buddies tonight...Gabby and his gf, Kai, Mardy, Sasa and Phy...Going for dinner and movies...The best i'll ever have...I miss them so much...

Kai, if you're reading this, I'll be yr girlfriend for today so you won't be lonely haha...Oh man..it'll be so weird cause i'm like yr buddy...Than again, your an amazing guy...I'm so excited to see you guys...I'll hug you to death..haha....

Dad and mom took the camera and they're going to the Singapore Flyer, movies and dinner cause it's their wedding anniversary.. I love you mom and dad..You guys rock!

I'll use Kai's Phone to take pictures..haha...

I can't imagine having fun with them...Oh man..Kai you should go club with us on the 26th...Life's good for now and i've got tons of other issues at the back of my head which i'm not wanting to think of...

Anyways, pictures soon...when I get my hands on them =)

Love, Phyphy

Define that again baby..

Anyways, went out with Mr Moody for dinner. He was feeling really crappy cause he was sick and since I already had dinner, I decided to just accompany him. Hey Mr Moody, you and KC will get better kays?

Bought barley and some ginseng tea thingy for him and we chilled at Starbucks. Using his mini phone and surfing on Friendster to find Monster's picture. Oh Man...Mr Moody, you were so right...Don't worry ... i'm sure KC can tell that her bf is way way way better than Monster..

Took a long walk home with Mr Moody and dropped my cheque off. It was raining and thank god I brought my ever-super-cute umbrella. The sad thing, is that Mr Moody thinks it's some Anna and the King Umbrella and says that it's super auntie.Oh man..It's not Aunty at all. It's so pretty and it has pretty pink stars all over it.

Came home and had a chat with Panda cause Panda's going for a business trip in BKK. I hope you ace your presentation kays?

I'm sitting here listening to Fergie.How nice can that get and I have tons of unreplied smses as i'm simply too too too too lazy.

Might be meeting Mr Moody again...not sure yet though...

Anyways, was staring at my Picasa folder and I found so many old photos. Trust me I have at least a thousand over photos that have are dated a few centuries back...haha...

Dark brown hair suits me best. I love this pic so much...Me and my bestie and I loved that dress so very much...

Going for dinner later...tata...

Love, Phy

Beautiful Disaster

Just as I thought, that things were picking up, things only got worse. Not good at all..

Was talking to Peg..I did enjoy yesterday so much and it was so damn amusing...except the part when Anz said I look like some Thai. No way...hell no...first some idiot said I looked like Viat and now this..wtf?

Anyways, Peg, treasure yr Anz...He's damn nice...and Genie too...Vernon is so nice to you...

Thanks guys for making me feel better...

I'm still not sure of what to do yet....

oh wells...

Panda is going to BKK...Panda, if you're reading this, go buy more Hoegaarden...hurhur...


Anyways, have a good day people...mwacks...

BFF

Woke up early and went to church today... Waited for the buddies at North Point and did some shopping.As usual, I bought another pair of shoes...So pretty and cheap....

I was wearing this top and some skirt and half way, I thought that my skirt sucked, so, being an idiot, I bought a dress and wore it immediately... The funniest thing, was when I asked the salesgirl to snip off the tag,she nearly snipped my hair off with the tag.

Managed to do a last minute manicure and the manicurist was such a sweetie... and she also commented that my new shoes were pretty and that she'll go buy them or something. Anyways, she did such a nice job and made my horrid nails pretty... They're black purple now... ;P

Genie came over and we went to meet Peggy and Anz who came to pick us up... and off to Orchard...

Had lots of fun shopping with my babes and I managed to buy a super cute pair of slippers from Blood Brothers cause my new shoes were biting my toes off... Too bad Mr Moody's not working at Blood Brothers anymore...hehe... By the way , Mr Moody, Thanks for all the nice and encouraging smses and calls... You're so nice la...and I wouldn't mind having chocolate waffles with you...I seriously would

All three of us, bought stuff from Cotton On. After doing our shopping, we waited for Genie's bf, Vernon and we had dinner together....Dinner came up to a $100 plus but it was worth it...Cause we were together... However, I was the only one who was single and without a boyfriend.

Before going home, we dropped by Peggy's house and we were having a chat with her mom..I swear her mom is so damn funny. We were like all bitching and laughing about Anz and Peggy having a malay styled wedding under the void deck and Genie doing that funny robotic malay dance. Anz says, he's gonna play loads of RNB songs during his wedding... I can't wait for their wedding...

Life's not that bad afterall and not that brilliant either...oh wells....

I'm so counting down to the 26th..cause we'll be making new friends and not just friends...They're biker friends...Can't wait...hehe...

Anyways, i'm going to bed...Photos will be up in a jiffy...

Goodnight sweets...

Love, Phyphy

**Anyone has a Ralph Lauren tote, Medium Sized and in the dark Navy blue and beige...Please let me know if you're selling yours off...I really want one badly cause all the Medium sized ones are sold out... Drop me an email if you're selling or know where to get them...

***Apple is having lots of cool stuffs for students. Do support my Apple Advertisement from Nuffnang and help me get paid =) All you need to do is just click it...hehe..thanks a million!Mwacks

Confusion leads to nothing

I'm sitting here...with a glass of Pink Guava Juice with Rasberry Vodka. How nice is that?oh wells...

Yesterday, I went back to office to get my stuffs in the morning and met up with Genie.Xian went to the computer fair with his dad and sis. Genie made me laugh so much and we had fun.Fun I never had in such a long long time..Oh boy...Bought some brownies for Fat Boy and a cute cookie for Genie..We had tea at New York...and bought a Mango Top thats simple and pretty...

Met up with Fat Boy in the evening for another round of Sex And The City cause i'll never get sick of that show and we went to meet Panda after the show to have supper at Jalan Kayu.

Panda told me something that made me quite sad.I'm not sure if I should even bother at all. All I know, is that I tried.Panda sent me home...but I didn't want to go home and told him to drop me off the park cause I really needed sometime alone.

I guess bottling up everything isn't the best thing. Popping pills isn't the other way that's gonna help. Panda was nice enough to accompany me at Seletar Dam..He sent me home to get my Hoegarden and we stopped off at the petrol kiosk to get some chips and some panda biscuits...

Sat there at Seletar and we started talking....Thank god I only cried a little...I can't afford to be a baby infront of Panda.I was happy, am still happy and contented.

Won't be able to have another chance to do that but I'm happy....

Anyways, i'm over so many things. It's ok if I didn't make it or if some people didn't like me even after I tried to be nice...It's alright...cause it doesn't matter...at least for the time being cause i've got better things to think of.

Anyways, was in Panda's car and the song 4 in the morning by Gwen Stefani was playing....i'm practically staring at the lyrics...it's just so pretty...

" Waking up to find another day.The moon got lost again last night.But now the sun has finally,had its say.I guess I feel alright..But it hurts, when I think,When I let it sink in.It's all over me.I'm lying here in the dark.I'm watching you sleep, it hurts a lot..."

I'm sorry it had to be over....

I need a break...

I need time...

I'm Sorry...

It's just not easy...

I'll stop crying....if only you would when you knew....things would be perfectly fine....

I just need a long goodnight sleep....and some vodka...thanks Sasa for not treating me like a baby..Phy's eyes have dried up...


* Thanks ____ for being here for me..I'll be the one feeding myself with chocolate waffles...just like what you did....Sorry for not answering your call...and thanks for offering to come with chocolate waffles =) Phy appreciates it ..


** My r/s nvr nvr affected my work and you people can say whatever you like...cause Phy doesn't care as i've got no reason to care. All I can say, is tt if anyone is not happy about what i've written in my blog, please leave and not read..This is my blog, so unless i'm bitching about your mother or swearing about your father, you have no rights to comment on anything I write...If you're still not happy, do drop me an email and i'll definitely be super delighted to give you a reply of your life....


*** Thanks Panda for telling me about the stuff...


**** Kai, I need your first aid kit for my heart....ahhhhhh....

Love,Phy

** I'll be on a short MIA soon....

and Kai....see this below...haha....mwacks...here's yr kiss..like how you always wanted..ah haha

I want

I WANT SEX AND THE CITY SOUND TRACK .... I'M IN LOVE WITH THE ALBUM!

Free and Easy Life

Life's freaking good...I'm telling you...Anyways, dear's back in Sin and he claims he bought be more stuffs than he did for himself....Oh wells baby, that Gucci Wallet sure killed it...

Anyways, talked to ___ from about 12 plus to 7am in the morning...haha...hope you feel better and hope things get better....

After that, I woke Juanie boy up and than dozed of to bed...Baby came over in the afternoon and we lazed around on the bed talking about stuffs and all that happened for the past 4 days...Baby was telling me how hot BKK was and how his Sister spent S$400 in the Playboy Store...haha...and after that baby waited for me to do my makeup and off we went to catch Kunfu Panda...

Nice show with lots of cute characters. The whole story was rather heart warming and sure did make us laugh....Super tired this week and i'm so gonna hang out with baby later...and we'll most prolly have dinenr or smth?

Too tired to blog...Photos up...haha...

Baby and me at home..too lazy to blow my hair....

Baby..acting fierce....

Baby tees...hehe...

Victoria Secrets Perfume...With glitter....See the gold gold things?They're glitter..

Love Spell Body mist from Victoria Secrets... =)

Makeup Pallet from MAC...My favourite colours...for smokey eyes...

My Vodka and Beer...too happy for words...

Our Couple tees....

Face masks and Eyelash...from Face Shop

So happy...but damn,I lost my other set of eyelash...so sad...haiz...Going to buy another few more..hmmphf....

Anyways, baby's in school, marddy's in school, Kai's in School, Sas is at work...I'm so going out later...for now..i'm gonna do some online shopping...More Victoria Secrets!

Lovelove, Phyphy

You don't know what You're missing out

Told Kai everything that happened and how I bumped into _____. I swear _____ is so hot. Oh my...haha...Everything was so silly.. Thanks Sasa and Ct.

Xian's not back from BKK and i'm still waiting....I've cancelled all my plans and everything and i'll just prolly wait up and see if he'll call me...Sasa thanks for being here and listening to everything...

Anyways, chatted with _____ until 4 and fell asleep after that...Life is that funny...Oh wells...

I'm so tired to think of anything and to ____, i'm glad I cheered you up..I hope everything will go well for you and Sasa baby, everything will go well for you too okay?Phyphy will be here for you people no matter what la...

I'm so sorry honey bunny but knuckles doesn't deserve you at all....You're like so chio la and everything all nice and sweet...I'll be here for you no matter how bad it is...I mean it...You know i'll always care for you just like how you did for all these 7 years...

and to marddy...I hope you'll always be happy and I hope you and your guy will blossom...haha..welcome to the Love club honey...mwacks

Life's a blessing when you have all these nice and kitchy people around...Anyways, I'm starting to stone out and ___ just text me...and haha....

Have a great night people...mwacks...

TO: Someone

Dear ______,

I know you'll read this and I just wanna tell you that i'll eat my words back and you're not mediocre. I was just angry at that time and I just didn't like it when you kept saying that I liked _____ cause its not true and you know it.

I hope you know the truth now and maybe you'll think I'm stupid.

Anyways, I just wanted to say i'm sorry for calling you mediocre...

Gotta chow soon....cause my buddies are calling...

Damn...

Kai Kai Kai

EDITED!!

Had a small chat with Kai on MSN. You guys must be wondering like who the hell's Kai. Kai is also known as John. Long story but he's name is now Kai. I'm Jane and he's Kai. Haha...Anyways, Kai's busy and I swear I love Kai. He's an awesome buddy and bestie. I still remember the time he and I were chilling around at his place watching FINAL DESTINATION and we're still so close until now...I swear he's like the nicest boy...Ok not forgetting Gabby.Damn....haha...

Remember this drawing you drew of me and you?I swear I love you KAI!!How many more times do I have to repeat it....ah....

KAI,YOUR HOT TOO AND THANKS FOR TELLING MY ABOUT MY LEGS AND HAHA...I FIND YOU HOT TOO...AND YOU KNOW I LOVE YOU SO MUCH.....BUT IT'LL BE SO WRONG IF WE KISS....OMG..LIKE I'LL HUGG YOU FOR SURE...LOVE YOU BUDDY

So yeah....I'm meeting the girls lata for dinner and i'm excited.Gonna dress down...Will most prolly wear a cap and some light makeup cause i'm too lazy and will most prolly mess up my hair...Gonna buy a trucker cap soon cause there are times when I just feel so sick and tired to tong my hair...Everyone's either busy at school or working and Phyphy is at home....Hmm,just managed to send in my resume to a few companies.I'm doing it for the sake of doing it...haha...

Can't wait for this Saturday and for baby to be back hommie...Gonna have fun with baby and I guess I need a tan too...I'm getting too fair and i'll prolly drag baby and we can slump at the pool together...or maybe go to Dezzy's place for a swim and sauna..I miss you Dezzy...Yr the most freaking awesome couzzy and please do stay over at my place again and we can play makeup and scream and dance or smth...hehe...I love it whenever you're around and when we shop and eat and bitch...I love you so much...mwacks...

Haha...

I stole these peeks from baby...

Baby, I love it when you spike yr hair and when you style it and when I ruffle yr hair in bed...I like it when you smile at me and tell me that everything will be alright. I love it when you pinch my cheeks and when you fluff up my hair...although i'll get upset when you smudge my makeup..

I like it when you choose my clothes for me and I like it when you shop with me...I love staring at you when you're sleeping...and I find you exceptionally cute when you knock out and I love it when you start cursing and swearing at those Fucked up drivers on the roads cause you're always the one telling me to control my temper...

I love it when we smile and tease each other...I'll always remember the times when you took care of me when I was high on alcohol and the times you danced with me in the club...

I'll always appreciate the times when you waited for me for 2-3 hours to do my makeup and get dressed for a simple dinner haha..and you'll always stare and give me that dazed face when I'm all dressed up..telling me that i'm just so perfect in your eyes...

I like it when you take me to all the nice foodie places and when you never ever complained that I binge like some starving prison kid. I love it when you kiss me on my cheeks and tell me that i'll always be your baby girl....

I appreciate it when you hear me out about my work...I never liked working in _ _____. You knew all my problems and everything that I faced and how I really did try..to do every fucking thing within such fucking short time....

Thanks Baby...

But...

But....

But...

I dislike it when you nag....

About the tattoos (I won't get it ok baby? or a small one..u want 1 too wad)... and the piercings (Just one on the naval?) ....

and the alcohol and the clubbing....(i've stopped..quite alot)

I've really put down everything and you know that....

I am not the Phy I was 4 years ago. I've changed and i've told you so many times....I really hate it when we quarrel (sometimes) and I'm giving up the crazy habbits...but Thanks for giving me time and thanks for always encouraging me....

But,I'm just so afraid what happened 4 years ago will happen again and I seriously doubt i'll ever smile again if you did that again...I'm serious....I just can't take any more setbacks in my love life...at least not from u....cause I know it'll hurt even when it's beginning to heal and I just wanna smile again...like how I deserve to....I know I should forgive and forget...but baby...all these 4 years of hoping and wishing, I finally bumped into you and got you back....but now....my heart just becomes so confused whenever I think about what happened in the past...it really does leave a scar....

All the late night crying and all the messy states I got myself into...All the hurt and the pain that made me feel that everything was all lost....Sometimes, when you tell me off that it's my fault for not getting over it, It hurts and makes me cry...cause baby, you've never felt what I had felt 4 years ago...

Terrible and miserable...and i'll always remember the time we bumped into each other four years later....Everything came to my mind...a nightmare or something that I should be happy??I didn't know....Even though I really loved you so much...there were so many things that you did that made me felt like you stabbed me in the heart every single time something happened....

I'm tired baby...I'll give it another shot.....I'll try to forget what happened...I know you're trying hard to makeup for all that you couldn't give for the past 4 years...So many things have changed...I missed the times, when we used to be in our school uniform and taking the bus together...I missed the times we had lunch together after school....

I know you're always trying to buy everything that I want and taking me to different places and telling me how much you love me...

I'll give it one more shot...

Just one more...

I guess no one will ever understand....

I'll still try to be a good gf...all the scrapbooks, the cards, the cooking....baby,they're all for you...You know that I will never spent hours cooking a pot of soup unless it's for you..You know i'm trying...

Hmm anyways, I got baby his Armani Exchange belt and he's got his Gucci Wallet now...Baby I hope you'll be happy...

Love love,Phyphy

You're my baby Girl...I love you...

Just got back from Church. Yeah...I went to church and i'm glad I went cause I found and got my answer to solve all my problems. I did. I really did....It's kinda funny...Like god knew all the questions and problems racing in this tiny lil' brain of mine...

Anyways, chilled out with my buddy yesterday.. came home around 3 plus 4 in the morning and we're both able to get our asses up this morning...haha....She came over my place in the early afternoon as she didn't need to work and we chilled and killed like freaking 2 over hours as we couldn't go out....I had to send Kenny for his grooming at 4pm and it'll be a hassle to carry the doggy to and fro.

We took out my year books and started bitching. Bitching about the teachers and some weird people from our school and the hot guys and also the people who we met after we graduated....It's kinda funny re-living the past....

Anyways, around 3.45, we grabbed the doggy and sent him for grooming. Thank goodness Daddy offered to pick kenny up at 6pm so that Siti and I could just do whatever we wanted to =)

So off we headed to Town. Went for dinner at Ayam Penyet and we were just enjoying the food...Hope you like dinner baby!I sure hope the chilli was hot enough for you...haha...

Went to Takashimaya and we saw a toy sale. Got this CareBear for my dearie...Hope it'll company you wherever you go...

Our initial plan was to go clubbing once Sasa touched down from Aussie Land. However, we knew we were all too shagged to club....So we decided to catch Sex And The City. On the way, we dropped by Cotton On and we got ourselves Lingerie...hehe....Cute and lacy ones...Me likey....hehe... and not forgetting my Butterfly bangle from TopShop...I like like like....

By the time, we got to the cinema, every show was selling out fast so we made our way back to Yishun and decided to catch the midnight slot. Chilled out at Mc Cafe and got our tickets.We had freaking an hour plus to kill so we went to Siti's house (Since her family went to JB) and I collapsed on her all-so-nice-and-comfy-couch. Seriously, if i wanted to steal something from her home, it'll be her couch.It's so freaking nice!!!


Siti woke me up and looking really stone and slow mo, I crawled my way back to the Cinema and we caught the movie.

The movie, was freaking awesome and sexy. The show made me realise that we should treasure our partners, be it good or bad. I loved every character in the movie and it was so touching to see Carrie (Sarah Jessica Parker,the main star) being able to have 3 good friends who would never think of harming or competing with you and who would put you as a piority when you just had a break up,without the slightest bit of biasness or favouring towards anyone in the group.

The show was just amazing and It made me feel all girly and fuzzy...Right now, i'm just waiting for baby to fly back with all my presents and he bought me Victoria Secrets stuffs too!!So happy...

Baby..no matter how crappy life is or whatever happens, I'm going to be here...It's never smooth sailing and i'm sorry for always talking about work work work and always dozing off to bed without giving you your goodnight kisses like how I used to and always making dinners quick and snappy..

I'm sorry and i'm working on it....

I love you....

Might be going out to meet John for coffee...Tata people...

A Fine Frenzy

I've been sad and down...But I guess, it's pretty good to be sad and down once in awhile cause you get to find your inner self and wake yourself up.

Firstly, i'll like to give myself a slap for thinking that I was doing oh-so-very-well-and-happy in _ ______. Firstly, I was never happy from Day 1. I knew I shouldn't have forced it and I shouldn't have made myself go through all that crap.

All the rushing for time thingy and all that stress. Why the hell would anyone like Phy do that?It's no wonder everyone especially John, predicted that Phy would one day collapse and die. It's so true. I was deceiving myself by telling myself that I could do it.

I never had enough time to complete my work.I had never enough time to read all the boring emails that crazy people would send. I never was able to cope up with all the stupid rates and the stupid vessel schedules. I was never able to do all that crap.

I'm not made to do all that crap and i've all so woken up on what I really wanna do. I've gotten my bloody ass up and i'm so gonna spend my time working on it and being back to the chirpy Phy I used to be. I'm never and was never the Phyphy who would sulk and cry for so many days...Unless there was something so effin wrong.

Of all my careers I had, I only enjoyed one so much. Meeting new people and being able to design. But, silly me,had to give up everything all because I thought that it would never never ever work out to be something big....

The huge lesson learnt, I should start from something small. I never knew how to do so many things until I got my ass up and started learning how to do them and all that....Nothing's easy.No one said it was....

I've made a friend. A friend that think I only have the colour GRAY in my life. You know what?You're so effin wrong. I thought you were a friend. A good and cute friend but you know what?Please...I've so effin seen through you and I'm so sick of it...Why should I put up with you???I shouldn't cause you're nothing to me....Yupp, you don't owe me anything.So do I...

Mediocre...Yes...Mediocre thats what i'll say...Effin Mediocre.

Go ahead....Scream at me or laugh at me for being gray and being a crybaby or a loser or whatever word you shall use.....

Damn!I feel so much better ranting everything out....Every bit and every little thing i've been keeping....

Anyways, i'm going to start something small...and after that go back to school. I've got to start living life the way i'm supposed to be living....No one supports my decision yet...but i've got it kinda sorted out...i know there will definitely be changes and problems along the way but i'll work on it.slowly...

To Sasa.....

I'm dying to see you baby girl. I've got so much to tell you and I can't wait for you to tell me about your trip....Baby, it isn't easy dealing with Knuckles and I know it's tough. So tough that we really don't know what to do next...but just like how you cared for all these 7 years,I'll do the same and love you the way you are....

I love you so much and I'm never ever ever ever gonna let you cry babe =)

I'm taking a break until i'm feeling better and than i'll get my butt on work....

So long my luckless life....I should have know you'll bring me heartache....

Too much Sundays makes me sick

Okies, I didn't take my sleeping pills lastnight and I had enough of sleep....

Firstly, baby, i'm sorry for being like yr lil' baby and i'm sorry that this baby of yours makes you so occupied you can't stop worrying and all. I'm sorry that I've got myself into this crappy state and you know what?You should take the time off in BKK and we should start thinking with our sepparate minds.

I'm not gonna let people around me watch with their mouths shut and thinking like wtf is wrong.

Anyways, i'm getting really bored and i'm waiting for my baby girl SASA to get back from Aussie Land...cause the clubs are waiting yol'....

Anyways,peektures later...

When you're whole world crashes on you

Must be wondering what's up with my post tittle.Anyways, had high fever and was throwing up pretty badly yesterday and I went over to my company's doctor. The minute I took a jab for my vomitting, all of a sudden. I felt a shocking snap in my mind....

I really collapsed...I think i've got enough of stress...What's all the fuss about having the cash and all when i'm dying here....

Baby and mom sent me to TTSH emergency ward and I had a nervous breakdown and my body was not able to take it...I'm on sleeping pills and I woke up this morning with my mind hurting whenever I forced myself to think of something....

I'm so so so upset....

really really upset...

Anyways, i'm glad baby's here and he's going to BKK this Saturday while my baby gurl's coming back from Aussie Land and I promised her i'll go club with her....I won't drink cause i'll just die there....

Anyways, i'm moving on with my life and no matter how screwed stressed I am, i'm moving on....

I'll still push myself even more until I succeed...

Here are some long ago peektures...

Me in with my geeky specs....Me love....

Anyways, i'm going to catch some rest and recupperate...mwacks...